There are these brilliant primal animals that NaNoWriMo employs. They are aptly called “The Guilt Monkeys”.

As soon as you start your first words of NaNoWriMo, these devilish beasts are sent to your house. The package looks innocent enough – standard brown paper wrapping, couple of air holes. You excitedly open the package up, hoping for the entire collection of The Office DVD’s, or maybe that dehydrator you ordered three weeks ago. But no. After the first slice of the box, a sizable group of guilt monkeys leap on your back, whispering demonic self-condemning truths about your pitiful word count.

The guilt monkeys do not care about your eating, sleeping, or socializing needs. They do not care that your laptop is overheating and burning a bar code into your legs. They care only about the little blue bar on your personal NaNo page, and will not stop injecting their venomous guilt into your soul until that little blue bar has turned purple.

Be careful not to assume that just because you’ve said you’ve given up in the middle of week two, that the guilt monkeys will leave you behind in search of other prey! No, they will tickle your ears with their tales of shame and ridicule lavished upon you by all the people you bragged to about writing a novel in a month. Stopping at 16,000 words? Unacceptable.

And when you’ve slaved hours over the computer for your 5,000 catch up words, they will send you into misery with the siren song of “Think how lovely and even the count will look at 25,000 words!”

But, in the end, the guilt monkeys, however harsh they may be, have good intentions. And if my monkeys continue on as they have been, I will glide past these last 10,000 words into success.


And if I fail…keep me away from any sharp objects. The shame may drive me to do something I wouldn’t live long enough to regret.



But seriously. Enough with the guilt already!! I’m shriveling here!


PS…I know pretty much no one reads my blog (Besides the soon to be famous and already beautiful Melody) but if you happened to stumble across my blog…go read this guy’s blog. He’s hilarious. And spiritually encouraging, which is an awesome combination :]

PPS. It’s just one click away…no effort at all…you won’t regret it!

PPPS I think it’s kind of pitiful that I spent more effort on this post than I spent on my novel. Or getting life-sustaining sleep.

*Sigh* four more days…