(The title of this blog is lyrics from three songs that I feel like right now. I do this a lot, if you haven’t noticed. Haha)

AH! I’m done with high school for….FOREVER.

Tomorrow I walk down the aisle to Pomp and Circumstance.

It doesn’t feel real. I was sitting up in the choir loft yesterday, surrounded by graduates, rehearsing…and…wow. I didn’t feel old. I didn’t feel ready to graduate, no great maturity or wisdom. I didn’t feel like I thought I would. I remember looking at the graduates six years ago when Kristin graduated, and just thinking how OLD they acted, looked, etc. It just seemed so foreign to me…so DIFFERENT. And it didn’t feel like I went through any great change since then.

But when I step back, sure, I’ve changed a lot since I was 12, haha. I remember thinking it was so embarrassing to go up there and get your diploma in front of everyone…and now I don’t care. I think I care a lot less about what people think now. I’m a lot more confident in who I am. At 12 I was a WRECK (aren’t we all at that age).

I never really thought past today, though. Never thought about my actual graduation, really. Definitely never thought PAST it. Or, to be more specific, I never thought about what it would feel like. I thought about what I would do, for sure. But not about how…it feel like everything is ending. I’m excited and ecstatic, for sure, but there’s such an empty feeling in it, too.

I’m going to Chicago, maybe soon. I know a few people there, but only people older than me. I don’t know if I’ll like it, and it will be out of my comfort zone. I don’t know if I’ll learn what I need to learn quickly. I don’t know if it will be too much for me. I don’t know if I’ll break. I’m not really sure if I’ll get homesick. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep in contact with my friends. I’m wondering if I’ll have problems with authorities, as it’s a pretty strict environment.

I have so many questions…

But it’s exciting, yes.

And tomorrow…I hope I don’t cry. I’ll be so mad at myself if I cry. But it might hit me.

This is the last string being cut from my childhood. I have no excuse anymore. I’m going out *into the world* now. Not that I’m never going to have any fun anymore, that’s not what I mean. But I have to act like an adult now. I have to be able to hold myself together…

Moving on. I’m getting tired of this nostalgia.

I still love Oswald Chambers and MUFHH. Sorry. Tired of spelling it out.

Here’s an amazing quote from it today:

“The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering. If we will take this view, life will become one great romance— a glorious opportunity of seeing wonderful things all the time.”

If that doesn’t give you a surge of hope and excitement…I can’t think of anything that will.

…lindy

Advertisements