The most beautiful light…

I’m so excited for these next few years, but I’m a little nervous about how/what is going to happen. I’m a little stressed at the moment, because as of now, I have little idea of what is going to happen in these next five years. Everything is open.

BUT, since I want to be happy, I’m going to focus on how AWESOME that is.

I can do anything. ANYTHING. My future is wide open. My parents are open to relatively anything.

Oh. Hate to break it to you all this way…but I’m not going to Chicago. I think you all knew that I was having some major doubts about it…well…those doubts morphed into strong persuaders that I should not be in HQ right now. Perhaps later, but not right now.


I had this wonderful/horrible night last night. After I came home from volleyball, I was exhausted. In every single way. Last Friday was the day I decided I wasn’t going to Chicago, and it had been a tough week at Del-Haven since then. Del-Haven has this bewitching quality about it – you only remember the good things about it from the year before, and so you’re deceived into thinking it’s going to be a marvelous, easy-breezy week. LIES. All lies. It was wonderful, of course, and I have so many wonderful inside jokes and happy memories from it…but I’m also fully aware of how exhausted it left me.

But anyway, I came home last night, and I was in one of those “night” moods I get every once in awhile where these ideas – crazy, absurd, and; occasionally good – ideas. At the moment when I get them, however, they seem like the most wonderful things ever. And so I was on this high, having all these ideas about how I would spend this next year at least – and it all seemed just FABULOUS and I was enthralled…I had this amazing God-time where I just felt more His than ever…but then about an hour later it all seemed ridiculous.

Today I woke up late, grumpy, and just altogether discouraged. I worked hard today….doing chores and cleaning up our basement, just random stuff…and while I did, I listened to about half of “Do Hard Things” by the Harris twins. It’s awesome!!! But I don’t want to do things just because they’re hard (which they don’t endorse – it’s just something I would do). But I also don’t want to do things simply because they’re easy…I feel like that was my motivation for going to Chicago. It was just too easy. Too natural.

It’s important, SO important for you to know that I just want God to be glorified!!!! More than ever before, that’s my heart cry. But I want to do it in the right way! The most effective way…

I’m not afraid of doing hard things. But I want to do the RIGHT thing.

I’ve been struggling with doing the menial tasks lately, too. That’s something I’ve always struggled with. That’s the main thing I learned at Del-Haven this year, I think. God reminded me that every menial task I do for Him (getting girls ready to go swimming, giving piggy-back rides, pushing kids on the swings, making sure they eat and drink….) is important, significant, an act of love. Nothing is worthless if it’s done for Him.

Hahah, I’m a bit pessimistic at the moment. A little tired and discouraged. But this is a verse that stuck out to me last night, and it gives me peace:

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Think about that :]

Our God…wow. Just wow. I love Him.