September 2009


They’re wonderful.

Is it a nice day today? Yes, yes it is!

Are you having a good day? Why yes! Yes, I am!

Why are you repeating yourself in every answer? No reason, no reason at all!

Are you excited about tonight? Absolutely, absolutely I am!

Why are you excited? Why? Why, you ask? Because I’m going Sparks, and Kristin, Steven, and Ethan are coming home! That’s why!

Are you hyper at the moment? Right on, right on! Things are looking UP!

Have you been drinking lots of coffee? I don’t know why you’d say such a thing.

…lindy

Sorry the last post was so depressing. Unfortunately, this one is going to be just as mournful. Bear with me, I’m sure I’ll have something fun and interesting to talk about soon. :]

I’ve been convicted about a LOT of things lately. About how I don’t memorize and meditate on the Bible enough, about how I don’t pray enough. About how I don’t have much of a servant’s heart. About how I haven’t yielded my rights on certain issues. About sins that I’ve held onto even thought I know they’re wrong. About judging people. About not respecting my parents. About bitterness. About my general self-centeredness, and about gossip. There’s more…but I think you’ve been overwhelmed by my humanness/sinfulness enough, haha.

It really is overwhelming at times, realizing how long it takes to grow in your faith. As my facebook status so aptly described it last night, “sometimes I feel like I don’t even have the basics down”.

But there is no perfect chart of how a believer’s life should grow. We can’t compare our spiritual growth to anyone else’s! GOD is in charge of how we’re becoming more like Him, and it’s simply our job to follow what He reveals to us through His word…and parents…and pastors…and friends. Our growth won’t be like anyone else’s, and we won’t always be as advanced as other people are in certain areas! As much as I might wish I were…

I’ve been stretched and pushed and prodded a lot in the past couple years, and I’m so grateful for that! If I’m not feeling pain, then I’m not growing. I hope I’ve grown. I know I’m trying! But all I need to be concerned about is focusing on HIM, and loving Him! Everything, REALLY, EVERYTHING else will fall into place if we do that!!

So, I hope you’ll pray for me :] I try to pray for all of you as often as I think of you! That’s something else I’m trying to work on…

But I just want to encourage you all to keep seeking Him. Keep searching for more truth. Keep learning how to love Him more and more. And I’ll try to do the same :]

…lindy

I change my furniture around a lot.

And by a lot, I mean about once a month.

Sometimes it’s because I’m just tired of it, sometimes it’s because things aren’t accessible, but most of the time it’s because I’m trying to make some other change in my life.

There’s a part of my psyche that is certain that if I want to change things about myself, there has to be some outward manifestation of that change, no matter how unrelated. I’ve bought new clothes. Tried a new hairstyle. Mostly, however, I just change my room around.

I know this makes little or no sense, but it’s just who I am.

Saturday night I was fed up with many things in my life, and decided to disassemble my bed. Why? There are no good reasons, but I’d rearranged things in every possible way before, and it seemed like something interesting to try. I took off the headboard and bed frame and left only the box-spring and the mattress. Just for the heck of it. For something new.

I know it’s just a little bit insane, but you’d be surprised at how often I’ve done things like that recently.

It’s because I’m frustrated with where my life seems to be headed. I have no clear direction about my future, and it’s beginning to wear me thin. My crazy levels have risen to an all new high and I’m willing to try just about anything to get me to CHANGE.

But I’ll be honest with you — it’s beginning to feel impossible. There are habits, weaknesses, stumbling blocks in my life that just keep hanging on to me for dear life.

Have you ever been in that place? Wondering if you’ll ever change, if you’ll ever be molded into His image? Wondering how in the world God is ever going to work through you, YOU, of whom you know every single fault and flaw?

I know He’s promised to be faithful to complete His work, but there is a big, fat, impatient part of me that just wants to be PERFECT, NOW.

Of course I can’t give up. And I won’t. But there are times like this, when the end is far from sight, when I’m tired, discouraged…it doesn’t seem worth it.

But I still know it is.

“For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust” Psalm 103:14

Read Psalm 103 for me, ‘kay? You’ll love it, I promise.

…lindy

Today I had my third filling. Got to say, it was a much more relaxed than the first time. I was only numbed for one tooth — which hurt like crazy when they were numbing it, but once that was all over, I enjoyed having the feeling in my cheeks, lips, and ear. That was nice.

Haha.

So I don’t have a whole lot to talk about, unfortunately. I’ve become a bit of an Emily Dickinson fanatic, however. There’s something about her poems that just resonates perfectly with me. For example:

It is an honorable thought,
   And makes one lift one’s hat,
As one encountered gentlefolk
   Upon a daily street,

That we’ve immortal place,
   Though pyramids decay,
And kingdoms, like the orchard,
   Flit russetly away.

I love her cadence and the meter of her poems. It’s just very simple and elegant, not overly pretentious.That’s been my new word of late, pretentious. It lives up to it’s definition. The problem is you can’t say it without being it. Haha.

That’s all for today. I’m absolutely starving and Kari’s fixed a wonderful dinner. So. Auf Wiedersehen.

…lindy

So the internet is out at my house….and it’s making me realize how much I DEPEND on things like facebook, email, etc. It’s kind of pathetic actually.

That’s all, really, haha. Just thought I’d let you know.

…lindy