I change my furniture around a lot.

And by a lot, I mean about once a month.

Sometimes it’s because I’m just tired of it, sometimes it’s because things aren’t accessible, but most of the time it’s because I’m trying to make some other change in my life.

There’s a part of my psyche that is certain that if I want to change things about myself, there has to be some outward manifestation of that change, no matter how unrelated. I’ve bought new clothes. Tried a new hairstyle. Mostly, however, I just change my room around.

I know this makes little or no sense, but it’s just who I am.

Saturday night I was fed up with many things in my life, and decided to disassemble my bed. Why? There are no good reasons, but I’d rearranged things in every possible way before, and it seemed like something interesting to try. I took off the headboard and bed frame and left only the box-spring and the mattress. Just for the heck of it. For something new.

I know it’s just a little bit insane, but you’d be surprised at how often I’ve done things like that recently.

It’s because I’m frustrated with where my life seems to be headed. I have no clear direction about my future, and it’s beginning to wear me thin. My crazy levels have risen to an all new high and I’m willing to try just about anything to get me to CHANGE.

But I’ll be honest with you — it’s beginning to feel impossible. There are habits, weaknesses, stumbling blocks in my life that just keep hanging on to me for dear life.

Have you ever been in that place? Wondering if you’ll ever change, if you’ll ever be molded into His image? Wondering how in the world God is ever going to work through you, YOU, of whom you know every single fault and flaw?

I know He’s promised to be faithful to complete His work, but there is a big, fat, impatient part of me that just wants to be PERFECT, NOW.

Of course I can’t give up. And I won’t. But there are times like this, when the end is far from sight, when I’m tired, discouraged…it doesn’t seem worth it.

But I still know it is.

“For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust” Psalm 103:14

Read Psalm 103 for me, ‘kay? You’ll love it, I promise.

…lindy

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