April 2010

We are not frightened anymore,
We stood up, we stood up

And there are two of us there will be more,
They’ll show up, yeah they’ll show up
They’ll show up

Blame a change of mind
A seismic shift in times
They told us not to fight
But we’ll fight it till we die

Cos’ we are not frightened anymore,
We stood up, we stood up

And there are two of us there will be many more,
They’ll show up, yeah they’ll show up

And so they sunk every ship we sailed
But we stood up, we stood up

And they fought hard, but somewhere fighting failed
They’re all shook up, they’re all shook up
All shook up

Steel and concrete break
Beneath the steady waves
Of fearless hope and grace
In kindness there is strength.

Cos’ we are not frightened anymore,
We stood up, we stood up

And there are two of us there will be many more,
They’ll show up, yeah they’ll show up


…listening to  Stacey Kent, while waiting for my tea to finish steeping. Trying to relax.

Had an emotional day today. Worked out for the first time in…oh my…I don’t know how long. Worked for my dad, changed my room around, did dishes (you laugh, but it took forever), practiced a lot of music, and tried to clear my mom’s dying computer of unused programs. Also, I made a VERY humbling confession, which was good for me, I suppose…but painful.

I’ve decided that the key to feeling productive is merely to make a to-do list. Not only will you achieve more, but every (PAUSE — the tea’s done :P …okay, back) time you cross something off your list it’s like taking a bite of chocolate. It’s THAT gratifying.

…side note. It’s a little pathetic how happy I get when a friend updates their facebook/twitter/blog. I LOVE it. It might have something to do with the fact that I’m living vicariously through others while I go through this…”calm” time. Haha.

So my sekrit (and yes, I DO know how to spell secret, haha, I just enjoy being…silly…sorry) plans failed, I think. Ah well. I’ll let you know what they were, I suppose, since they didn’t happy. Basically, I mentioned offhandedly to a friend last summer that I was going to scare him with a clown (he’s deathly afraid) sometime while he was at college…ALAS, even though I made covert plans with his roommate, he either:

  1. Forgot
  2. Couldn’t find any clown paraphernalia
  3. Thought it was a stupid idea didn’t do it (though he SAID it was hilarious and he would “try”

Ah well! I don’t really care, hahaha, there’s no way this friend would’ve remembered anyway. :P But now you know the sekrit!

I’ve moved on to Rosie Thomas in iTunes. If you don’t have any of her songs, it’s WORTH THE INVESTMENT. Right now I’m listening to “Guess it May”. I love “Finish Line”, too, “Say Hello”, “It Don’t Matter to the Sun”, “Since You’ve Been Around”, and so many more.

Ok, well, I guess it’s bedtime.

“Come on prove me wrong and tell me I’m no loner. And tell me I’m not crazy, or maybe just a little, maybe just a little bit crazy…but mostly prove me wrong!” — Mostly Prove Me Wrong, Fiction Family :)


Today…I have tweeted…a lot.

I’m becoming addicted.

Here’s the list of tweets I had today, and explanations (if needed). Explanations follow ———– and are enclosed in ( ). :)

  1. …dreams feel SO real sometimes…  —– (In reference to a dream I had about a BIG diamond ring, and running through a mall to show it off. Strange.)
  2. TODAY: I will take a walk. I will play guitar AND piano. I will read Desiring God. I will not drink excessive amounts of caffeine. The end. ——— (See #12)
  3. WHOA. Saw the sunshine outside and assumed it was nice outside. Opened the window…it’s FREEZING!  ——  (But it warmed up!)
  4. I am SO excited for SUMMER!! :D :D So many plans already!! I can’t wait! —— (Del-Haven! VBS! Ivy Bend! Michigan!)
  5. Took Career Direct today. It said I was supposed to be a FARMER?! WHAT?!?!?
  6. ….juuuust kiddding. hahah.
  7. Oh, I wasn’t kidding about taking Career Direct. Just the farming aspect…although, farming was in the top ten, believe it or not. —– (The test didn’t show anything surprising…but it was pretty fun to take!)
  8. Muahahah. Just did some super sekrit planning. Someone is going to be scared SPITLESS on his birthday. (MAN. Trying saying THAT 5x’s fast!) ———— (OHhhhh no you don’t. It’s a SEKRIT!!)
  9. Tragically, Kaylin is already more crafty than I will ever be. Ah, well. ——— (See #11)
  10. Just jumped up and down with joy because I finished washing and drying the dishes before a youtube video finished. Ahhhh #tweetaholic ———- (I totally did this — washed and dried the dishes in less than FOUR MINUTES. OH YEAH. AND they were clean. haha. …plus I acknowledged that I have a tweet addiction.)
  11. Kaylin’s craftyness: http://tweetphoto.com/17791371 little balloon people!! :) aww.
  12. Walk? Check. Desiring God book? Check. Not too much caffeine? Check. Guitar and piano? Check. PLUS MORE. hah.


(Song by David Crowder — LOVE IT)

This blog has no point, I just felt like writing something, so sorry if it doesn’t go anywhere!

The whole “getting up early” thing hasn’t worked too well. Which is a shame, cause I was really excited about it. I don’t really want to go into the details of WHY it hasn’t been working…it’s just been various reasons. HOWEVER, today I got up, even though I REAAALLLY didn’t want to. Hah.

Right at this moment I’m purchasing songs from iTunes — lots of Les Miz, Switchfoot, and some random songs thrown in. I LOVE buying new music.

Tonight is the last Bible Study, and while I’m excited about the “festivities” we have planned, haha, I’m sad that it’s the last. I don’t like “last” things. There’s that old saying “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”…but I still hate it.

My boy problems have SIGNIFICANTLY died done…because I realized that I had the wrong perspective on things. It’s a little depressing when you realize…it’s all your fault. Haha. I suppose it’s just humbling, and being humbled isn’t really a bad thing. It’s good, in fact!


I suppose I need to go make cookies for tonight, and wash the dishes.

Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts. :)


…for me at least, is WRITING. Unfortunately, I am not a tireless subject (lulz for irony).

I never get tired of talking about it. I never get tired of thinking about it…but I DO get tired of doing it. Writing, editing, re-writing, scrapping, restarting…it gets tiresome. And it’s difficult! And it’s taxing on the mind and emotions!

But it’s worth it…right?

I have many, many ideas. And now I’m not talking exclusively about writing, I mean my for my life.

I am full of good intentions. But you know what?

Good intentions are good for nothing.

It’s true. Good intentions mean NOTHING if nothing ever is done about them. Ideas are worthless. The product is the thing of value. I get so caught up in ideas; good ideas about “improving myself”, “getting more done”, or “being productive” but it means nothing! My follow through is severely lacking.

The truth right now is I’m frustrated with the sluggishness of my spiritual and personal growth. I’m a product of my generation: consumed with instant gratification. And I know that’s not good, I know that “these things take time”, but I want to be spiritually mature NOW. I want to write “The Great American Novel” NOW. I want to have a meaningful life NOW.

…I guess I just need to learn some patience and endurance.



When I sleep in too late my dad comes in my room (occasionally stomping) and opens the blinds and my window.

I haven’t quite figured out the logic to this method. Maybe the fresh air and light are supposed to wake me up? Maybe I’m supposed to be ashamed that other people could look in and see me still sleeping?

Whatever the logic, he hasn’t yet figured out that it doesn’t work…I sleep right through it.

I can sleep through a LOT of things.

I can sleep through my sister kicking me. I can sleep through sleep-walkers and sleep-talkers. I can sleep through marching band music (another short-lived method of my dad’s), alarms, the radio, threats of calling my friends to tell them I’m still in bed, and once…the smoke alarm.

I’ll be honest with you; I sleep in pretty much every morning now. The only obligations I have are at night — excluding Sundays and Thursdays. And on those days it IS possible for me to wake up…but only because I know I have to. If it’s not necessary, I rarely get up before…9:45. I’m not really proud of this, it’s just a fact.

I’m a night person. I think more at night, I enjoy the night more. But I’ve found in the past that I DO like the morning. In fact, there was a time, when I was a freshman, that I would get up at 5:30 so I could get all my school done before lunch. …and I enjoyed that.

It’s not even that I don’t wake up quickly — I do. It’s just that when I wake up — especially to an alarm — and I know I don’t have to get up, every cell in my body screams that I will die if I get out of bed. You think I’m exaggerating? NO. I literally feel as if I’m on my deathbed, and that if I get up, my very heart will rupture.

It’s depressing, though, waking up late. The day already seems over, productivity feel impossible.

SO. This next week, I’m going to try to get up…well, if not early, then not LATE. Before 8:30, shall we say?

I’ll let you know what happens.